Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
