Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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