1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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