Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize