I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
