It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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