I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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