HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
