foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
