So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
