Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
