it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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