Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Drake has all the answers
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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