when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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