apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Randomize
