it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
