Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
