Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
