You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
