Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
