none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
