Someone shit on the floor
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
We are two peas in an std pod
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
