Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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