Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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