are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize