I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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