I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
