They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Randomize
