based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
