shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So much rum. So many feels.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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