ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
