I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
