Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
