I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
