I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I did not marry a roomba.
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