This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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