A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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