How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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