I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
