oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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