Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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