Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize