So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
