I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Farmville is her only friend.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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