I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
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