So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
