do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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