never play flip cup with pint glasses
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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