we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Who died my cat blue again?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
