Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
