never play flip cup with pint glasses
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Randomize