Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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