sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm at about main and main street
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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