On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
