Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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