he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
