guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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