I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
