Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
it's great music for shaving your balls
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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