I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
