Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Boobs speak an international language.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
