Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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