i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
