If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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