Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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