Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
