I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
