sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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