I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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