So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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