i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize