I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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