My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
