I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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