Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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