Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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