I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
