I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
