i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
