So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
