things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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