yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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