My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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