so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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