Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
