why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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