Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
