So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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