she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
