Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
