The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
it wasn't lemon gatorade
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
