My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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