Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
false alarm, still single
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