Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
This is my gift to your gina
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
