He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I wish they made helmets for livers.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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