Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
