and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
