I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
