A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Randomize
