Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
