Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
