I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Randomize
